Longing.

Between the dreaming and the coming true.

(My favorite book title. By Robert Benson.)

As I walk my life steps, I wonder, aware and unaware. Are you coming for me? Are you really? Is this all fable or will fact explode into current reality and make reality real eternity? Each day lives this out. Do I really want you? Is my wanting you a fable or will this preparation longing explode into sure intimacy with no interruption from my sin sick soul?

Silence. Still.

I ache. My sin sick soul yearns so desperately for more than a waiting wondering about whether this will all consumate in forever being fulfilled for forever. No more waiting. No more wondering. No more sin sick soul. Only a righteous lover uninterrupted.

I know I shouldn’t doubt that You will really happen. You keep interrupting my longing waiting with all this painful preparation. It hurts. The pain is otherworldly when I let my mouth and heart mouth its effect. Who knew getting ready for a wedding would be so painful. Is it supposed to be this way? I’ve never experienced the longing of this specific day before. It wears me out and intrigues me to want more of you all at once. More of you. Less of me. More of you. And I keep wanting more of me. But really more of you. There is battle.

I’m tired. Tired of longing. Tired of waiting. My victory chant seems tattered. Not so fresh today. Not so fresh anymore. Sometimes victory seems fake when you want so badly for the dreaming to turn into the coming true. As Augustine said….”The longing extends the soul and by extending the soul, makes room in it.” Makes room for what? More longing. More dreaming of the coming true.

This longing is maddening. At times even saddening. I want to figure it out. I want to figure You out. I want to figure me out. I want to figure something out. This longing is rigged. Eternity is rigged. Longing is long. It renews you and wears you out simultaneous.

"You’re doing this aren’t You?" You set it up that I would be just hungry enough to keep longing for the wedding banquet. Between the dreaming and the coming true, I’ve gotten so hungry. So hungry. So hungry. Hungry less for figuring it out and more for…….You. It’s you I really want. The greatest technological, best tasting, most passionate sexual, highest quality, grandest idea, of anything and everything always for all of history past, present and future keeps paling in comparison to your invitation to dance at the wedding feast.

I hear Steven James words. “Dancing groom of the ages, Frolicking God awaiting His bride. The wedding has just ended. The party has just begun. As your hopeful blushing bride, I accept your hand and step with You into the heart of the music.”

I’m dreaming that this will come true.

Longing for you is real.

Longing for Jesus is real.

There's more.