Awe.

Lea and I have been watching home movies from when our sons were born and their baby years. We are transferring old forms of video tape onto dvd's so that we can preserve them longer. As we have been watching, we laugh, we cry, we remember and most of the time we're amazed. For Lea, I hear her talk about the wonder that she carried Taylor, Trent and Trey in her womb and that God gave her what she needed to birth them into our world. As I listen to her when she reflects on that, I can see the wonder on her face and hear the amazement in her words that God actually used her to bring them into life. She is filled with awe.

Awe is not a word that we really hear or speak very much these days. It doesn't seem to make it into daily talk. Maybe that's ok so that it's not thrown around so much that it is cheapened by over use. Maybe that's sad because if it were spoken more often there would be more of a daily context for awe. What is awe even? These are just my words. Being aware of something or someone that brings a response of wonder, reverence or even healthy fear and respect that I'm not all there is. It's not all about me. There's more :)

In the last month I have been soaking in reflection about the initial days of our brothers and sisters in the bible book of Acts. In that bible book of Acts, chapter 2 and verse 43 it makes this clear statement. "Everyone was filled with awe." They have encountered the power of God in the arrival of the Holy Spirit and it has been unlike anything they have ever known. Jesus told them to wait for it together. They did wait and they are now swimming in a new reality that is changing the fabric of their daily living. And one of the ways that is being described is that all of them were filled with awe. I don't want to skip over this actual wording. Something that they at one point didn't have is poured into them and it is filling them. And that thing is "awe". Where is it coming from? It is coming from the power of God. God is changing their hearts. God is changing their relating. God is changing their daily living. And it is so special that they are filled with awe. They are hungry for it.

I want that.

This is what I'm aware of. God is changing my heart. God is changing my relating. God is changing my daily living. And... I am in awe. I am. That's not a, "My, now, aren't we special big D." That's a, "Oh my God, you're so powerful, so lovely, so amazing, how would you intertwine with someone like me?" I want to be in awe of You, God. I want that to mark my life.

Notice this one other spot with me that has affected me for a long time. Bible book of Jeremiah, chapter 2 and verse 19. Quick stage set. The people of Israel are forsaking God and saying they don't want to have anything to do with Him. Sounds familiar huh? And then we get these strong, hard, real words in verse 19. "Your wickedness will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you. Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the Lord your God and....". I wonder what will come next? With the direction of what these words seem to be leading towards I think we could probably come up with a number of ways to complete this thought. A few come to mind....."and disobey His commands" or more street language, "spit in Your face." Notice what it actually says. "Consider then and realize how evil and bitter is is for you when you forsake the Lord your God and .....have no AWE of Me, declares the Lord, the Lord Almighty." Not having awe of Him. He seems to take this pretty seriously. This seems to be a thing.

I am aware of how often my awe of God is dulled.

I am aware of how often my awe of God is non-existent.

I am aware of how often my awe of God is forgotten.

And I'm not aware of it as well, all at once.

But I want it. I want to be in awe of my Savior.

I don't want to be in awe of money...

I don't want to be in awe of athletic prowess or performance...

I don't want to be in awe of another human...

more than I am in awe of God.

Let financial provision and the gifts of creativity and other human hearts have their appropriate place in my life, but not contribute to my ignorance to the awe of God.

Fill me Jesus. When I am not filled with awe of You, please fill me with awe of You.

There's more.