Connecting. Cleansing. Changing.

What exactly is it that God is doing in me? I write that like I am about to say I actually know. I don't really know, but these are the things that I am thinking about this week. As I left home early this morning on my way to see a friend, I whispered in Lea's ear, "My heart is tender towards you and Jesus." I am aware that we don't always sense that our hearts are tender towards anything, much less our best friend or our Savior, but when we are in anyway aware of tenderness towards Jesus, what's happening? I'll try to tell you what I'm learning.

I'm hanging out in the bible book of James, chapter 4 this week, specifically around verses 7, 8 and 9 if you want to look at them. I'll write my thought process here. James is writing about quarrels and fights happening between people. Can anyone relate? He says early in chapter 4 that fights and quarrels happen because of the desires that battle inside of us. A layer or a hundred below the fight, there is wondering about whether we're connected to God or connected to the world. That's in verse 4. So I'm fighting with someone, maybe even myself and it exposes the desires that are battling in me. The kind of desire battling that leads toward whether I'm connected to God or connected to the world. And so I ask myself again...."What exactly is it that God is doing in me in the midst of this battle?" He's humbling me. He's humbling me. He's humbling.

I kind of want some bigger bang of an answer than that as I write, but that's what I see God's word teaching us. Verse six says this. "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." I DON'T WANT TO BE OPPOSED BY GOD! He is humbling me. That's what I sense He is doing. If He is going to marry me on that day, then pride must be gone in me for me to be pure and blameless. That's how I'll be when He marrys me. So when He is humbling you and me, what is happening? What does it look like? I think He's giving us a peek in verses 7, 8 and 9.

He's connecting us to Him (verse 7).

Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Am I connected to Jesus? Are you connected to Jesus? That's not a throwaway question today whether you're in relationship with Jesus or not. Today am I connected to Jesus? Submit to Him today, right now. Drop to your knees this very moment and cry out to God for the first time, "God I need you. Save me from myself. Save me. Please save me." Or, you've been walking with God for decades. You can say the exact same thing. "God I need you. Save me from myself. Save me. Please save me." What is He doing as He connects us to Himself? He's humbling us. I can't do it by myself. I need you Jesus. I need you. And as we see our need for Jesus, we say, "Satan, get the hell out. I resist you. I don't want you and your lies. I want and need Jesus." Jesus is connecting us to Himself and it's humbling.

He is cleansing us (verse 8).

"Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded." When Jesus connects us to Himself, He will cleanse us. Beautiful, painful cleansing. This dying to myself is killing me. It's beautiful. Preparation for a wedding. Ours and His. And it's painful. Don't need cleansing if I'm not dirty. I'm dirty. I need cleansing. Being cleansed by Jesus is humbling. "God I need you. Save me from myself. Save me. Please save me." The next time we see one another, perhaps we'll glance into each others eyes with a no words look that says, "You're being cleansed. Me too. It's humbling. I'm with you. He's with us." Jesus is cleansing us and it's humbling.

He is changing us (verse 9).

We're not just constantly in a mind numbing scavenging for being comfortable, entertained and amused. This humbling that God is doing in us is changing us. It makes total sense that part of our response to God opposing pride in us and humbling us with the gift of grace is that there would be tears, there would be sadness over what is being exposed in our hearts. We receive the gift of grieving, yes it's a gift, as a kindness from God to sort through the things that are happening in the guts of who we really are. We're not always peppy and comfortable. The gravity of being humbled in the offer of grace quiets us and gives us a more accurate view of ourselves....and Him. Yes. A view of Him. That's what we want. If this humbling is helping us to see our Groom more clearly, then yes...God I need you. Save me from my myself. Save me. Please save me. Jesus is changing us and it's humbling.

That's what I'm thinking about this week. What's He doing in me? Among so much, that's one thing that He's teaching me. He's humbling me by opposing pride in me and gifting me with grace. He's saving me from myself.

Humble yourselves before the Lord..........

And He will lift you up.

There's more.