Specific.

Lea's dad died when she was 18. I never met him. It was hard. Life changing for Lea's mom, Lea and her sister. The truth is, Lea has been caring for her mom for the last 32 years. Anne lost the love of her life, Jimmy Johnson, and her life hasn't really been the same since.

Annie has something called Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus. Fluid in her brain was not regulating as it should. She had a shunt put in to help drain the fluid. One of the main realities of NPH is dementia. It's hard. It just is. We welcomed Annie into our home almost a decade ago. Another Ann helped us turn our garage into an apartment for Lea's mom.

In 2014, as Anne's dementia progressed, Lea was aware that God was inviting her to shift into being her mom's full time care giver. She ended her teaching ministry at a local school and came home full-time to care for her mom.

What I am about to write is profound and there isn't a profound way to say it. What I am about to say has changed my life. I have watched Lea die to herself and offer her life in love for Jesus on behalf of her mom. Hidden. Thankless. Painful. Rich beyond measure. Really, really hard. Really, really frustrating. Really, really valuable. Really, really life changing. Really, really specific.

I am studying through the bible book of James. This past week I got to verses at the end of the first chapter. James through the Holy Spirit is writing about what a life looks like that is being lived out of gratitude for the life changing gift of Jesus. A life that shows that it is being changed. And we read these words...."Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress....". As you're reading through this first chapter of James and you come to these words, it seems kind of random, almost out of place. There doesn't seem to be any context for why this is what James writes is pure and faultless. But for Lea, it isn't random at all. It's really, really specific. I'm watching Jesus be formed in Lea as she dies to herself and Jesus then loves Annie through her. As I write that sentence, I pause and close my eyes. Watching this reality unfold in front of my eyes is one of the most holy things I have ever encountered. It is deeply affecting me. Watching my best friend die to herself so that someone else might live. Really holy. Really specific. Really painful. Really glorious.

When I'm honest, there is much of God's word that is hard to really understand. It is SO otherworldly that it escapes me to fully fathom what it means and represents for me. That's just real. It feels good to maybe even pretend at times that I understand much about God and His heart for me, for us. But as I watch this death in Lea happening in front of me everyday, it increases faith in me that Jesus really did die in order that I might live. I really am understanding that this is how God chooses to move in us.

As I sit in the translation room at the Korean Church of Knoxville, I see that my computer says that it's 9:30am. These are things that I am pretty sure are happening at Story Cottage right now. Lea and Lacy (our dog) just went into Annie's apartment at our house. Lea set down her mom's breakfast on the table and has gone to lift the blinds so that the light of the new day is streaming into Annie's "nook and cranny". Lea has walked over and tenderly kissed her mom and said, "Good morning Mom, did you have any dreams last night?" Annie will probably say "No". Lea will use her strength and hoist her up and help her mom into the bathroom....and Lea's day of dying and living will continue. And it's beautiful.

Beautiful, specific death.... bringing beautiful, specific life from Jesus. In Lea. In Annie. In me. In you.

Such a gift to SEE God's word lived out in front of me.

There's more.