Longing.

This past week I was preparing to teach from the bible book of Matthew chapters 24 and 25. "Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come." I remember my friend from high school, Kevin Ford, asking me...."If Jesus were to return, would He be fulfilling your plans or interrupting them?" Dang. That's a question that another high school guy is asking me? I was rich for him asking me. Honestly, not having experienced getting married and going on a honeymoon at that point in my life, my answer to the question would be...He's interrupting my plans. Hold off a bit. A later return is better for me. My high school years are memory now. I am approaching the mid-century mark with Lea. And now, most days my answer seems to be, "Come quickly Lord Jesus. It can't be soon enough. Make everything right and new! Please." We're watching for your return. We're longing for it. At times aching for it.

As I studied into this for my weekend teaching, I began to look for a passage in a book to read about the idea of longing and specifically, longing for the return of Jesus. I grabbed several books that I was prompted had some thoughts along those lines. I read really good words about longing that I could have shared with those that I have been given to this weekend. As I read though, I sensed that the Spirit was inviting me to offer my heart words, not someone else's. Write your own heart about longing. And so I did. And that is what I offer again on this day.....

I'm in between the dreaming and the coming true.

As I walk my life steps, I wonder, aware and unaware. Are you coming for me? Are you really? Is this all fable or will fact explode into current reality and make reality real for eternity? Each day lives this out. Do I really want you? Is my wanting you a fable or will this preparation longing explode into sure intimacy with no interruption from my sin sick soul?

Silence. Still.

I ache. My sin sick soul yearns so desperately for more than a waiting wondering about whether this will all consummate in forever being fulfilled for forever. No more waiting. No more wondering. No more sin sick soul. Only a righteous lover uninterrupted.

I know I shouldn’t doubt that you will really happen. You keep interrupting my longing waiting with all this painful preparation. It hurts. The pain is otherworldly when I let my mouth and heart mouth its effect. Who knew getting ready for a wedding would be so painful. Is it supposed to be this way? I know, this day has never happened before for me. I’ve never experienced the longing of this day before. It wears me out and intrigues me to want more of you. More of you. Less of me. More of you. And I still want more of me. More of me too. But really more of you. There is battle.

I’m tired. Tired of longing. Tired of waiting. My victory chant seems tattered. Not so fresh today. Not so fresh anymore. Sometimes victory seems fake when you want so badly for the dreaming to turn into the coming true. As Augustine said….”The longing extends the soul and by extending the soul, makes room in it.” Makes room for what? More longing. More dreaming of the coming true.

This longing is maddening. At times even saddening. I want to figure it out. I want to figure You out. I want to figure me out. I WANT TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. This longing is rigged. Eternity is rigged. Longing is long. It renews you and wears you out all at once.

You’re doing this aren’t you? You set it up that I could be just hungry enough to keep longing for the wedding banquet. Between the dreaming and the coming true, I’ve gotten so hungry. So hungry. So hungry. Hungry less for figuring it out and hungry more for…….You. It’s You I really want.

The greatest technological, best tasting, most passionate sexual, highest quality, grandest idea, of anything and everything always for all of history past, present and future keeps paling in comparison to your invitation to dance at the wedding feast.

I hear the words of Steven James. “Dancing groom of the ages, Frolicking God awaiting His bride. The wedding has just ended. The party has just begun. As your hopeful blushing bride, I accept your hand and step with You into the heart of the music.”

I’m dreaming that this will come true. Longing for You is real. Longing for You is long.

More longing. Help me.

There's more.